would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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