Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
