i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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