My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
