I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize