did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
3pm strippers are depressing
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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