Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
