i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
there is puke in my bra ... again
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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