My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
