I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
