So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
