physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My bed smells like the plague
This toilet bowl is my home.
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