clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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