There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
