Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
