I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
