just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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