Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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