I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
