You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
