It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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