btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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