I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
