btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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