The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
