guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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