i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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