OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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