There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
