If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
