When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
