i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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