3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize