Moan for me like Helen Keller
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
