i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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