Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
