Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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