He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
