Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
