Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
