I only kidnapped one of them. chill
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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