just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Found your dick twin last night
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
