ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
