just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
