All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
