JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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