I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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