He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
