D3 body, D1 cock
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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