It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
