Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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