Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i've created a new STD.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
