i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
