i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
