Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
hell yes lets make some ravioli
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
