I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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