you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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