He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
