is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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