jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
