he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
