You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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