I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
